I met with my oncologist for the first time on Wednesday and I was no sooner sitting down than I burst out 'My hair, my hair, what's gonna happen to my hurrrrrrrr?' My mum had been lucky enough to keep her hair so I was sort of optimistic that I would be as lucky as her, as losing my hair was my very worst fear. I might be sick, but I damn well didn't want to look like I was sick. Or like Matt Lucas.
But my worst fear became reality, as the oncologist broke the news that yes, I was definitely going to lose my hair about two weeks after my first chemo session. And just like that, the bottom fell right out of my world.
Once I got myself together, the doctor advised me to get my long hair chopped up short, as seeing long clumps of hair falling out is apparently much more traumatic. She also gave me a wig brochure and, for the icing on the cake, told me I would need to get sleep caps as apparently being bald from chemo means you can get very cold at night. I think at that moment, the realisation that I was a cancer patient hit home and my God it hit home hard.
Yesterday I cut my hair and I won't lie, I sobbed like a baby as each strand hit the floor. I never thought I would be so vain, but this disease is forcing me to learn new things about myself and not all of them are nice.
This is my new hair (please excuse the sad face and wonky eye, I'm no America's Next Top Model!It's like my eye is trying to slide out of shot haha) and below is my wig, which is slightly longer but more or less the same style.
I'm really not sure that I'm going to be brave enough to 'go bald' in public, I have an awful fear that I'm going to look like Uncle Fester as opposed to Demi Moore in GI Jane or the beautiful Nathalie Portman in V for Vendetta, but maybe when the time comes I'll change my mind. In fact, I have already christened my wig 'Cousin It', sure there's nothing like a bit of Adams Family humour!
Now that I know the worst will happen, I am trying to come to terms with it. But, if anyone has a spare bottle of Dimoxinil hanging around then I will happily take it off your hands!